I was born a Christian. As some of you may know my dad was a free thinker Chinese and my mom is a Filipino Christian.
I developed my interest towards Islam when I was still in my mid teenage years. About 15, 16 years old I guess. I was a curious cat. Asking a lot of questions about the religion. I was in a whole lot of denial and confusion back then.
I remember sometimes I would skipped classes in school just to be in the library. And sometimes on weekend I would bug my dad to bring me to the town's library. No, I wasn't revising on some upcoming exams. Not at all. I was actually there for my 'research'. Like I said, I had too much questions to ask and not all of my friends were able to answer some of it. And many gave different answers. So I might as well find the answers on my own.
And as I was searching & searching I kinda got interested to it and spend most of my time hanging out with the Muslim friends because I wanted to know more. But nevertheless, I never take any action upon it. I was just assuming that it was all for the sake of gaining knowledge and that I learn to be more open minded knowing more about stuff like this.
And all of this happened before I met him. So for those who despise him for introducing Islam to me, you're wrong. I was introduced to Islam all on my own. And ofcourse with the influence of being in a school of mixed races and religions. And nope he doesn't go to my school. It hurts to know that some of the people I know despise him for making me convert. They don't like the idea of him making me choosing this path.
Yes he is the first Muslim guy I ever really dated. And many said I changed a lot blabla, my life changes blabla since I dated him. And they think that I chose to convert because I really love him. Seriously?
Just to clarify, yes I am really in love with him. But that doesn't affect the choices that I made for my life.
It was never because of the idea of him or loving him or wanting to marry him that made me convert. I converted 2 years ago. And honey 2 years ago I wasn't even sure I would be his wife. And to be honest 2 years ago, both me and him were having a serious crisis in our relationship. It was a 50-50 chances of us to be back together again but yet I choose to revert knowing the fact that during that time, I might possibly not end up to be with him forever.
So it wasn't him, it was never him. It is me. I am the one who got so interested in this religion that I can't help wanting to be a part of it and embracing it for the rest of my life. So instead of blaming him. Blame me.
And please don't give me the whole 'I know you will be back' 'You will return to the right path' 'You sure you aren't regretting this' 'I don't think you find peace in this' kinds of advices. I appreciate the concern but I don't want it.
To be honest its a bit disrespectful sometimes. It would be like me saying 'hey Islam is saint' or 'Islam is great, you're a sinner for not converting' Its exactly almost the same, on a vice and verse term. It sounds awful and disrespectful to the non Muslim right? So stop it.
I am not regretting any of the choices I made. I am happy and at peace. And I will never change my mind, even if you are pointing a gun to me. Never. It took me years to decide to walk on this path, with my dad himself constantly reminding me for 2 years to think it over and over about the decisions I wanted to make just so I won't regret. My dad was guiding me throughout it.
So for those who got misconception of the reason I revert. This is part of my story. And if some of you got offended by it, I am sorry. Because I had been hurting for years of my life keeping all of these on my own, and feeling sorry for him to get misunderstood a lot. I decided to selfishly tell my story and my feelings. Forgive me, if I have ever wronged any of you in anyways.
